Ever feel the pressure to help people and if you don’t help them someone is pointing a finger at you with the whole “your suppose to love your neighbor as yourself.” The reality is you can’t help everyone. Jesus sent the disciples out to minister, and yet he tells them not everyone is going to get help, there will be nothing you can do for them. Shake the dust off and move on.
1- Someone who doesn’t acknowledge they need help. They won’t admit they have a problem. They don’t even see a problem. You can’t help them. Some people are living in denial. Sometimes you just need to get out of their way and let them fail.
2 – Someone who believes you are their problem. Ever refuse help because you didn’t like the person offering it? Ever refuse to listen to someone because of a personal prejudice? If someone is seeing you as their problem, you can’t help them.
3 – Someone who wants you to disobey God. They want you to go against God’s will for you to help them. They want you to help them but hurt yourself in the process. Be careful they will even try to make you feel guilty for not being the great Christian your supposed to be.
4 – Someone who desires a different outcome than you. They only want the help they can chose. They want to determine the how and the when. Define the help. Is it a genuine solution or is it enabling them?
5 – Someone who refuses the Scriptural soluton to the problem. This is a gimme, but it’s amazing how many women I couldn’t help because they were unwilling to do things God’s way.
6- Someone who expects you to make a greater investment in them than they are willing to invest themselves. They don’t mind you paying their rent, but are unwilling to spend some time and energy to make a budget and stick to it, or even look for a job.
7 – Refuses to take the time to make the necessary changes in their life. Some of the problems we face are due to the bad habits in our lives. I love God’s grace, the ability to do what He asks me to do. Yet, what good is that grace if I don’t step out into the change. A physical trainer can’t help a woman with weight problems if the woman refuses to watch what she eats and physically exercise.
8 – Someone who chooses destructive relationships over the help. They want your help but they don’t want to loose the person that is destroying their life. When they continually pick the relationship over the help, step back and let God open their eyes or remove the person. The smartest thing the guys on the boat with Jonah did was throw Jonah out of the boat. Jonah went to meet his destiny and they were safe from the storm.
9 – Someone who leads others astray. The con artist. There is a difference between the needy, the seedy and the greedy. They might not be professional con artist, but they use deception for personal gain.
10 – Someone who refuses to use their seed to create the future they desire. There is two problems here. They want your harvest, your outcomes, your anointing and they want you to do all the work to get it. I can’t mentor a girl that just wants to live in my shadow. I can’t help a group of ladies at a Bible study that refuses to study the Word themselves. They have the ability, gifts and talents even the money but they don’t want to use their resources, but they want to enjoy the fruit of the investment. In the business world and on the street it’s called OPM – other people’s money, making it on the backs of other people.
This list is to keep both our feet on the ground. It’s easy to point out the people in our lives that need help and we can’t help them. However, someone might be reading today’s article and have you in mind.
Q4U: How do you tell someone you can’t help them?